A decade of Pussy-isms and Findings

A decade of learning about my pussy, many pussy fumbles and fumbling my pussy. It is all about to pass! It seems most appropriate to honor the highlights. I never thought I would have even started this blog, it was (and is still supposed to be) a book. I started writing and sharing these ridiculous antics when I was 19. This year, I was vastly inspired by three women blog writers: Alexi Wasser, Sula, and Penelope Trunk (check them out!).

http://imboycrazy.com/

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/

http://inlawswithmoney.blogspot.com/

A few close friends also inspired me, and humbled me, by following the wild adventures and trails of my pussy, well it was the least they could do, and considering many of them actually lived through it!

2009, is a mark of ending with a means to a new beginning on so many levels. I have that tingly all over feeling, like a child before Christmas, who can't sleep, but when does fall asleep--falls asleep smiling. 2010 is going to be magical for my pussy! A Pussy renewal! I'm serious!

An Ode to 2000~2009
A decade of pussy lessons, learnings, findings, and Pussy-isms
WHAT MY PUSSY HAS LEARNED:
*may apply to penis

Love your body, love your self. This means your pussy.

Be nice to it.
Always practice safe sex, be a condom girl forever, until he has proven faithful (and sorry but sometimes there is no guarantee!). Check your shit out and get his shit checked out. If he really wants you, he will. If he doesn't... we don't like him anyway. Respect.
Learn how to please yourself and then he will be able to navigate even better. And when he doesn’t please you, you can teach him, or please yourself!

Be open to new things!

Have an outlet for yourself whether its running or playing basketball or yoga or hiking or golfing or dancing, you need to have something just for you, that no one can alter or mess with that gives you peace and happiness, and always brings you back to your mojo. Back to your self.

Mojo- sexy
NO, sexy is not being thin and tan and stacked and rich, its having an inner peace and intensely positively awesome vibe with your self so much that people vibe you out and are attracted to your energy!

Your body is a temple. I don’t care what anyone says, when you are working out (whatever that means to you, and sometime’s ok, fine sex can be included as a workout but not all the time! lol)... Truth is: you are a better lover and better woman and better man and better everything when you are treating your body well! Get your body fine tuned as best as you can, we only have one body in this adventure of this life...so challenge your self. Eat well too, when you eat crap your cum stinks!

And Ladies don’t want to go anywhere near your penis! There I said it.
Quiet your mind. Ladies, gents, when you are unsure, insecure, trippin, or something other than pleased with your self or your partner or partners......relax. The more we try to play God and control things, over analyze things, obsess over things, think and re think things, the more we make it worse. Relax. Let go, and quiet your mind. Things have a way of working out.

No one ever died of a broken heart.

It may have really really fucked you up. Made you feel sick, depressed, and all sorts of intensely evil and unattractive feelings. Cry on your birthday at a bar, alone, to a hot bartender who then buys you your drink and then you accidentally fall off the bar stool. But a broken heart doesn’t kill you. Be open to love and be open to dealing with loss of love. It happens. The only consistent thing in life is change, enjoy the ride.

When someone asks for space, give it to them!
If you don’t, this may be the last time you see them.
If you do, no matter how difficult and gut wrenching it is, you may obtain massive respect and reach a higher level in that relationship. Or it may take you on a different path that you were more destined to be on!

Relationshits.
Don’t be in rush, or plan to be in or out of one, go with the flow. You are what is most important, not what someone else wants. This sounds selfish. Sometime s we need to be selfish. All of the energy I have spent one other men, helping them, doing “them”, being there for “them”, living my life for “them:” I could have gotten my maters, PhD and doctorate, I swear to god! Do you first, then a little of them. I made a vow to not be in a relationship and recently accidentally fell into one. I squirmed ad kicked and pushed for 2 months, until I got out of it. I feel so much better alone. I knew all along I needed to be alone. Don’t get pulled into other people wanting to be with you, when you KNOW you aren’t ready or aren't that into them.

Boundaries. Have them.

Don’t know what I’m talking about?
See a counselor.

Just kidding ;-) I learned about boundaries from my counselor.
Yes, see a counselor, if you are doing the same stupid crap over and over, check yourself! It DOES NOT mean you are crazy or even mentally ill (ask for a diagnosis) it means someone sometimes needs a professional objective third party that can check you, and your ‘stuff’ and free you up. It’s positive to ask for help, and take some action on improving your life.

Back to boundaries: Learn your limits, and give people limits. There are many people walking around in adult bodies who are still children. Man-child’s. Don’t give yourself away. Be open, but keep boundaries up. Some people will take you for the ride of your life, and then you may stop and realize you have lost your life.

Play the game.
Nah nah nah guuuurrrrlll, create your own game.

I hear that little voice saying “No, don’t play games that’s immature, be open to love, be yourself, lalalala...".

Kumbay ya my lord.
Bullshit. Life is a game.
There is always a game.
Be yourself yes, but wait until people earn your trust, respect, and love, don’t just give it away. Unless you want to have a night of really crazy wild sex with a pro basketball player --then do it for your pussy, wear a condom, have fun, make sure he leaves in the morning and then forgive yourself!

Forgive yourself
Over and over
Let it go

Forgive your father, ladies.
Trust me, if you have issues with your father, it is going to directly results in your man issues.
I used to say "f that" and then "that exact attitude" followed me around for awhile until I did forgive. It’s rampant. Parents do just the best they can, we can blame them, but after a little bit we just need to create our own story.

Create your own story.
Don’t compare.
Comparing other yourself to other people is just depressing. Comparing every man to another man is just disappointing. Every guy/girl is a new chapter or page or even, a book!

Grooming
Please groom ladies. Take care of your body and your grooming to the nth degree.
I have a new one, blow dry your pussy at least once a week. Its great, feels great, is great for your pussy and my N.D recommend it! Ha!

& Men, you want us to trim, and wax, and shave, ok, sounds lovely, I love a fresh waxed clean pussy on myself, but meet us half way please and thank you.

Guess what!? Once you go black, you CAN go back.
(You don’t have too)
But you can ;-)
Be an equal opportunity employer:

Black, White, Puertorican or Haitian, yum yum chocolate chip!
Enjoy!

Create your own rules
And break them.

Don’t recycle.
Recycling men, going back to ex's, old flings, you can rationalize "its good sex" all you want, but its going backwards, its giving energy to old patterns that don’t serve you or your pussy.
Pussy always always wants new..... I know we hear a lot there is one thing better than pussy its new pussy. Well, I am pretty loyal to certain dick, but I don’t not recycle.
Been there, don’t that.
Don’t recycle old stories.

Never say never
I fell in love with a married man. A 20 year old who lived with his parents. A man who owned his own home with a dog and a great career, and was an alcoholic, surprise! Adventure of life.
Forgive yourself and Let go

Do not under estimate the power of alone time.
Being alone
Sitting with yourself
Without TV ... Without your treadmill...Without texting, tweeting, facebooking
No, not solo for excessive amounts of times we are social creatures, but recharge your batteries alone, frequently, it’s good for the soul.
Personally, if I don't spend some true alone time at least once a week with myself, I cant think straight. I see it in others too. Love yourself. Be with yourself. Stop running from you.

Don’t just listen to your friends, listen to you.

Yes, ask, analyze, critique, and use them as a sounding board, that’s cool.
But, do what you want!
But, I'm a so happy I didn’t sleep with that guy on my last trip home! Thanks to my good friend girlfriend for talking me out of it! I think? ;-) Friends are the best thing ever, its true, but we all have to live out our own dreams, in and out of the bedroom!

Do not attach to his mother. I know she is awesome, fun, polite, kind, and all the things you dreamed of in a mother, but she is not YOUR mother. He doesn't want you to be best friends with his mother. If you are married, it might be slightly appropriate to have a realtionship with her, but still do not be too close. Be kind, be loving, do not attach to mommies of boyfriends.

Shit happens.
Crazy shit happens. No, I don’t like anal sex, pardon the pun, sorry, not for me.
Kidding.
What I mean is, the unexpected tragedy or miracle does happen... enjoy the ride.
I was madly in love, happy, healthy, and his best friend committed suicide, he went into an intense depression (rightly so) - we eventually had to go our separate ways. I spent so much time grieving over it not being fair or it not working according to my plan.
That is life.

It’s your life.
Your pussy.
Enjoy it.
Be good to it.
(while you are enjoying your life, try not to drunk text, call, unless you already have his dick on lockdown- it’s just not sexy)


One good thing about music when it hits you feel no pain! ~ Bob Marley
Always always have music in your life
For your pussy, she needs it!
Just don’t listen to Coldplay or David Gray for hours on end; you will end up in a straightjacket.
It IS ok to listen to Mariah Carey's rendition of "All I want for Xmas is you" on repeat for days and days and dance alone in your room.

Be careful what you wish for! OK, some of these 'isms' are cliché, but I mean come on, all I wanted was someone to have amazing sex with, and all of sudden I had him, and it was great! And then I wanted more... but that was not what I wished for. End of story. It also has gone like this, all I wanted was someone to have amazing sex with, and then he wanted more, and he bugged me. And I had to say goodbye. Get rid of the shit that weights you down.

You know those times when you don’t wear cute undies, you haven’t shaved your legs, you put on a ball cap or a hoody, and those are the time, when the universe presents with you something sexy in the form of a man! Be prepared or forgive yourself for not looking perfect. I tend to work on the later, it’s a lot of work being a perfect girl, and I can’t do it! And most of the time the guys don’t really care (sort of)! Wabisabi~ imperfection is also perfection in its finest. Sometimes described as beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete"

With that, I am sure I forgot some other valuable lessons, so plese forgive me ;-)

Above all... always recognize the law of attraction, you get what you are.
Its basic and its true.

You don’t love yourself and have low self esteem- you are going to attract tools, and be so excited they like you, just because you are going thru a bad phase of life... gross!
Or you love yourself and are treating your pussy and your body and your heart with love and kindness, you are calling your mother every Sunday , you have forgiven your father, you are working out, you are not drunk dialing boys, you wish your ex boyfriend well, you are rocking your career, trying new things, unafriad of being alone, being a good friend, and… watch out world! You are glowing! You better have those boundaries up, your game ON, your heart healed, your pussy ready... because you are attractive, mojo is high, and it’s raining men!


So much peace and luv... 2010 is ON!

thank you for following

dont fumble the pussy on new years eve please!

I'm in love with MaryJane

I grew up in an area where marijuana was widely acceptable, well, where is it not...? It was considered from "the land"and "natural"and all that shit.

Anyway, I was a jock and somehow my father did an excellent job at keeping me away from drugs. He has skills, how did he do this? He didn't tell me not to do drugs or drink... he just told me that "I was smarter than that", and that "I wasnt an idiot", and that I was too good to do 'that shit' ... and I somehow believed him. Fathers are so powerful for daughters. We believe their every word, until we don't. Fathers have a lot of power to raise amazing women. Fathers can influence their daughters self-esteem in magical ways.

My father empowered me from a young age.

So I believed him, and I dont remember going around telling people I was smarter than them or better than them, but I remember knowing deep down that athletes, smart females, and the person I trulystrived for and wanted to be, just wasn't into drugs. My first boyfriend smoked pot, and maybe even sold pot, and I never even tried it, I wasn't even interested. I was more into him than anything, but I somehow was on lockdown with doing drugs still.

So, I went off to college, well seasoned beyond my years. I wasn't a prude, by Senior year of high school I dabbled in beer, wine, and hard liquor and figured that was enough,I could hold my own and party. Still, it wasnt until my 2nd year in college, my sophomore year, when a girl in my dorm taught me how to smoke the Bob Marley. Ironically that was the same year I chopped my hair short for the first time in my life (we had a rule in our family that my sister and I had to have long hair, weird, I know). I dont think there was much communiucation with daddy dearest that year. I wasn't running. He wasn't my coach.We didnt have much to talk about other than his late tuition checks, or lack of tuition checks.

So Saah was a cool chick, soccer player, chill, hippie. She had a really good vibe and laugh. I wanted to be like her. She taught me how to smoke ganga. We lite incense. Stuck towels under the doors. And puffed.

I got high for the first time with her guidance, I laughed harder than I ever had before and we skipped around the all girls dorm rooms looking for munchies and having the time of our lives, we may have made up a secret language and alter ego names for ourselves.

Whatever. We had fun!

When girls get high we geek out, we let it all out, all that repressed stuff! Sucking your belly in and eating right and fixing your hair and studying every night and being nice to mean girls and calling your mother back even though you really don'twant too...all that STUFF!

Smoking weed is a release.... we act silly!
Boys mostly in my epxerience get really really quiet, play video games, or golf, or watch tv and just .........................duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dumdumdumdumdum.

Which is fine.

Girls do this too, but most of the time we get goofy.

So this was new for me. I loved it! All the stress of my body and my inner most thoughts and boys and does he like me or not like me and how am I going to pass this class and how am I going to pay for school and i wish I could buy cute clothes like that girl over there and....
it all floated away with every puff.

I had a new crush on pot.

I did it every few weeks that year with her. She got A's in all her classes and stayed thin. I barely got by and got my first little belly my 20 year old body had seen.

So I started a relationship with pot, like any relationship, when I wanted it I had it and when I didnt - I found something else.

My now best friend, who also was a prude in high school, had gotten into getting high in college. I truly believe its a female form of letting go. A breed of girls who were pretty and jocks and smart and worried about getting into a good college, well we were tired. Tired of the rat race. Tired of being type A.Tired of being everything to everyone. But not mature enough to know that. Smoking pot was like a mental vacation. A break from the pressures of our type A young hormonal high strung persona. The effect is different foreveryone. It was the same for her and I. We loved vacation. Even better She had a boyfriend who always had plentiful amounts of the green. We had a blast. We would get high, and make amazing decadent meals. Crab and lobster and steaks. We all became good good friends.

Peeps would stop by his house at 10pm on saturday night on their way to go out, and we would be sitting on the couch, three of us staring at the TV, reggae music blasting from another room, full bellies, satisfied and a kitchen full of dishes- as if it was thanksgiving....and 12 people had made and eaten a 4 course meal.That was how our Saturday nights looked.

But it was just the 3 of us. Chillaxin. Stoned. Satisfied.

After that year, he broke up with her. Idiot. Asshole. He was like my brother. I guess he thought he needed to be with this well known slut bucket ( ironically he is now unhappily married to her with 3 kids- Nice job retard). Anyway, so she and I took our peace pipes and started our own dinner parties.

We would sit in my room at Melrose Place (old name of our 6 girl house of girls gone wild- meets smalltown liberal arts college with a hot tub and 5 bedrooms). She and I would shut my bedroom door- get high... giggle.... and not give a flying fuck!

We were not angry, we were happy. Happy stoned. My roomates would be scurrying around to pick out a cute outfit to go out and we would be chillin. Come midnight we would rollout in our t- shirts and flipflops... funny thing is...the boys liked it.

A few boys specifically knew our game and always wanted to tag along once we entered civilization. Pot isnt necessarily a social drug.You are happy without people around. We were in our own world.

It may have probably been one of the sexiest things: two aestically different looking chicks, super mellow, super chill, and low maintnence showing up at the parties.... once everyone is drunk and we are laughing in the corner at ourselves. no needs. no issues.no drama. no sorority.

My love for football players died out slowly with The Syndrome, and I was onto the soccer players, after a hiccup in basketball that I will save for later. Soccer players are chill. They are athletes that know how to party. But they dont need to scream and yell and do keg stands, they just kick it.

Jeff and Patrick always wanted to kick it. They followed us around like baby ducklings. We lead them around on a leash. It was always a good time. When most of the girls wanted to get up and dance to Diddy, we were going to go get high on nature walk.

They were both attractive, but somewhat shy. They just never seemed to score if you know what I mean. If they did score,it wasnt the kind of score girls were proud of. These dudes were just young punks still trying to figure it out and get some tail.No game.No tact. Jeff was our age and Patrick a few years younger. Sexy on the field, and just Jeff and Patrick off the field. Funny at best.

When most of the girls were either puking in the bathroom or crying they were so drunk, we were laughing our ass off and looking at each other rolling our eyes with the boys.

While girls were saying no-- but cock teasing and then saying no to sex without a condom late night.

We were back home getting munchies.

On repeated occasions, we would be at a party, look around, Patrick and Jeff watching our every move, and then we would sneak out.... they would try and follow us and ask what party we were going to next.... hehe heeee little did they know. We didnt often like to share.

We would go on a munchie run and hit the hay.
Not like just a bag of chips and 7up munchie run.
We would get skittles and mamba: sweet
ChexMix and Cheetoes: salt/crunchy
Skor bar and snickers: chocolate
Cherry Coke
Cream Soda
mmmmmm

We would spend almost $20-30 on munchies, thanks to my college food stamp card. (So wrong!)See I never figured out how this worked, but if you were getting a certain amount of federal student loan aide, you also got a food stamp card? I was using that thing at Plaid Pantry at 2 am like nobody's business! Please dont judge me.

We would set our picnic up on top of my bed, smoke some more and pass out.

Repeat.

Everything in balance.

I have a sensitive opinion about pot. I don't think its for everyone and I don't necessairly completely condone it. You have to handle your business. You can't be a loser about it. Its not evil or a gateway drug. We all have different experiences and reactions. For me, it was a release and looking back, mostly a damn good one, I was so wound up tight with all the shit going on in my head, drinking was only making it worse. Smoking freed me up!

Smoking is cool if you have done your shit. Done your workout for the day. Done your homework. Crossed your t's and then you can have your down time. But if you are doing it 3 and 4 times a day and not taking care of your body and your responsbilities, yes it is bad. We all know what that looks like. Instant pussy fumble.

So I digress.

It was one of those lovely nights, my home girl and I were chillin, Jeff and Patrick were by our sides. Oh ya we never hook up with these boys, they just like to be near us. Yup, sometimes that is how it works. Irie Mon.

We decide we will all have a lot more fun if we go to someones apartment and party on our own. So we do. We smoke. It can be like foreplay, it can be sexy. (It can also be for people who cant deal, are not mtoivated, need to lose weight and get a job and start dealing with reality :-)!).

Jeff shows something to my home girl in his room. Smooth, so simple sometimes. isn't it? I let her go without a caution 'dont ditch me girl code' cuz im chillin with Patrick. The thing is she hasnt really gotten any since old boy broke her heart, so I am hoping some luvin will translate its way into her life. And of course, he is friends with her ex. What better way to mind fuck over your ex man, than to get it on with his friend or teammate!

BU YA

that wasnt the plan though. we were peaceful chicks just doin our thang. and it worked so easily.

sorry if its sexier than that halter top you bought at forever 21 and that dance move you are doing and that smirnoff ice you are sippin and that fried straight hair you are swinging...ya im wearing a white tshirt and old jean skirt and laughing with the boys and they want me more than you.

WAT??!!!

oh sorry, that was an interruption dedication to a few of the girls I went to college with ;-)

So anyway, Patrick and I sit and listen to music and talk. Who the hell knows what we are talking about but it all makes sense to us....moon...stars...life's purpose... We are sitting on his bed. I physically feel like gumby. I have a grin on my face, I am happy, mellow and my body is soooo relaxed, its like post sex post orgasm, but there was no act.

He sits close enough to me so his legs are adjacent to mine, but he isnt trying to touch me we are just sitting close. I remember the first time a boy did this move on me I was in 9th grade. He always sat in the same spot 5 seats toward the front from the way way back (way way back seat on the bus was rad). If I was lucky I would always get on the bus, look around, roll my eyes, and pretend like I wanted to sit anywhere but there. Begrudgingly sit next to him, ignore and not look at or talk to him, but wait... he always did this thing. He always repostiioned his legs in a way where we were touching once I sat down. I loved it. I was 15.

Patrick and I were sitting close. I was high and happy and... man I was so high, but my pussy was starting to wake up...

you know when things are going the way they are with a dude and then all of a sudden they say something or give you a look or a glance or you smell a wiff of their scent and BAM!
its instinct. your body starts twtching. u start thinking about it. you cant stop. you stop listening to what they are talking about- you stop watching the movie on tv- whatever you are doing you are now on autopilot and thinking of only one thing. you are just primal & you want to be touched.

i knew my friend was getting it on and happy for her too!

hey it aint no fun unless the hommies get some
seriously.

so i wanted a little sumthin sumthin too
he told me that I was "hela cool"
I told him that he was awesome
flattery will get you everywhere
he got up and went to the bathroom
(Again i tell you! the boys going to the bathroom?! what is the deal with these bathroom visits exactly on point when i want to make out? and they are weird, they are extremely long bathroom visits, mysterious bathroom visits.)
he comes back and sits close again.
sitting next to each other.
nothing could slip between us.
we hold hands.
we are 21, not 7
its still nice
touching can feel quite nice when enhanced by being a little high
do the math
we sit
and stare
and chill
and stare at the wall
and exhale
and inhale
and chill

and he rests his head,
his cranium next to my head,
heavily
his head is heavy and tilted to the side of my head
im sitting on his bed, aginst a wall and have nowhere to go
or attempt to shift the weight on me
his bedroom
therefore he is in charge
im there
im there because i want to be
im there because i have wanted to be for hours
and he cocks his head against mine like im a lazyboy headrest recliner
he rests it there for awhile

what the hell am i supposed to do about this heavy head resting--
not even resting on my shoulder but on my skull!?

thats it!?
thats all he giving me? my pussy, i mean my mind, i mean my pussy twitches with confusion
Im not down for sex I just want to make out and a little touchy feelly
my friend is in the other room doing god knows what and homeboy is using my head at a pillow?!
I sit there for ahwile in disbelief and hope for something more to come
and it doesnt

SoI get up, and i go to the bathroom.

my girl comes out

thank god (because there is nothing worse than taking one for the team when your girl needs to stay and you want to go! i know i have done it to her a million times!)
and
we
go to plaid pantry of course!
I need more chocolate this time;-)

Pussy Fumble!

If they are there with you, [the girl or the boy] after countless hours of talking, discussing, hand holding, cuddling, leg touching--> they most likey really want to you to kiss them. Now, they may not want to get naked or be your girlfirnd or meet your mother, but they want to kiss you.


Smoking pot is not evil unless abused.

Having a partner in crime (i.e. the journey of life) is essential at times. Guys have wingmen and they are smart creatures to stay in packs, girls need 'em too!

Go get some and dont fumble the pussy being thrown at you...

just handle it with care please...

In honor of #10 blog, 3pt field goal .... play by play in dirty detail coming up.... its a doozy!

peace&luv
thank you for reading!

Baby, don't talk...

After the syndrome... I learned quite well how to stand on my own two feet and find my own game and my own pawns of what was left of my college career. That's right, I had my own fun with my data collecting.

I was now a senior in college, which meant I could of been stressing on interviewing with companies looking to hire a brilliant college graduate like myself, or I could be checking out the younger classmen stock.

(hey women can multi-task)

He said he had a "girlfriend", never understood those fools who had girlfriends living hundreds of miles away, while in college, while prime pussy was being thrown at them. I would soon later find out why this worked for him...

I like my fun but I do not like drama or hurting people, so I kept my contact to flirting and smiles when in passing with him. Come to think of it I dont even think I fantacized about him.
Wow, good girl, me.

I mean lets be real,I didn't know yet that some of the most epic sexual moments in history are usually...when....ummmm... they are with people who have other partners.... but see I didnt know that yet. And yes I am going to hell.

And for those of you who think I am terrible now... just don't do it! Dont have affairs or cheat....but for those of you who have...you know what Im talking about...that wrong, spontaneous, sneaky act is irresistible.

I digress. I was sick of my on again off again main dude and throughly enjoying being eyed and checked out by the younger dudes. This one was cute, lots of positive energy, enthusiasm, and naturally a football player. I could eat him for dinner.

There were the usual suspects as the usual weak frat college party doing the usual grind...and word out on the street is young cute one was now single? hmmmmmmm.

Newly freed into the wild. I took it upon myself and my pussy to remind him of what it was like and the reaping rewards.

I'm sorry to say I have blocked out many memories of college for many valid reasons as you can tell if you have read this blog... so bare with me. And I dont feel like calling up one of my girls and asking her how it all went down... but here we go...

I end up walking back to Cute Boys dorm room.

Dorm?

WTF.

This is like a breaking and entering crime scene when you are a senior in college, walking, by choice, with freshmen and sophomore boys, boys mostlikely wearing their football jerseys from the victory game they played that day...boys who may live in the only "male only jock dorm". I am a ho for the night, and dont care. Im in control. Im doing some community service. Cutie wants to kick it.

We walk in like pack, we are all going to...guess? Smoke the bob marley ... get high.

If I need to get high to makeout with someone, its not a good sign! More on that later. Lots of that.

So I'm in his dorm room, with all his hommies, a few come in and out just to scope the scene. They peep their head in like roosters (as I hear low voiced whispers of my name down the hall and I think no one believes that a female senior was in Cutie's room getting high!). Ha.

I smile, nod, and wave.

We are all chillin, smoking, and of course analyzing music. A few boys have the brain cells to start to trickle off, and leave us alone. We are looking up tunes and and comparing music taste.I am somewhatenjoying myself. This is mental foreplayfor me.He is sweet, complimenting me, likes goodmusic. He mayget a blow job. (its not always that easy... remember this was college).

So Imhappy.

So, he decides he wants to sing a song for me.

OK OK OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

A song, a live, song?

A song sung by a man, with an amazing voice can be heavenly and breathtaking. Especially if you are in church. But a song sung by anyone, just cause, its just goofy. Leave it for the shower boys. I mean I get the whole fun, drunk,karaoke obsession, but thats different. A love ballad impromptu?

I play along, cuz thats what we do.

And he sings

And is no musiq soulchild.

I lie thru my teeth and tell him he should def. sing for the upcoming talent show (wait am I in high school or college? college. hmmm.)

Funny thing is. Well, I will tell you later.

So next, I probably did the massage his shoulder rub down and went for his scalp and temples-trickey of mine. That always always puts them into a coma like putty in your hands. A trickey that i always enjoy, i love making men exhale and relax.

One thing leads to another (thank god!) and we are making out and I am topless. And I am on his bottom bedbunk. It's going well.

I am pretending I am a freshman in college and making out with one of the star football players. Gooooo me! This is girl language for head hen! (but im not a freshman).

We kiss and kiss and wait is this high school?

He wants to talk.

I dont.

I start kissing him again ... he stops and asks me about where I grew up...we kiss and he asks me about the game he played in that day and if i saw his play during the 3rd quarter.... we kiss and he asks me what its like to be a senior in college...we kiss and he asks and we kiss and he asks...this boy has a question for everything and my answers go like this:

its cool
thats cool
ummm hmmm
really?
its cool

and usually start nibbling his ear, neck, or yumyum grabbing those biceps to get him back on point. I take his shirt off and am easing my way down south, I dont just go straight for the goods, I ease east and west and north and south and keep him guessing.Its going well.

Im really enjoying myself, and he isnt asking questions or talking anymore.

I unbuckle his pants.... he unbuckles his everythought!

He wants to talk more!

About his ex girlfriend.

I cuddle up to him like a lapcat and listen to him exaplain how 24 hours ago he was in a relationship. And how he thinks "im really cool" and he is so glad he is single.Within 30 seconds he is doing a 180 now and saying that "maybe he shouldnt of broken up with her" and then it starts to sound like maybe she broke up with him. Diaarhea of the mouth. Lucky me. I am now a mommy.

and mommy doesnt want to sit here
playing counselor
in your dorm room
topless
high as a kite
thats not what i came here for

I realize I might as well give some good karma and listen to him and stroke his ego and remind him of his youth and how many fishes their are in sea...we know the drill of break-up cliche's. Too bad they are always true.

"It takes time".
"When one door closes,another one opens"
"He/She wasn't good enough for you"

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (its all true!)

I must have said something right
because now he was taking off my pants

thank you! I am not going to hell!
we are back in business!

strangely enough. i wasnt turned on. and young as he was i wasnt in the mood after all this build up to have a trouble shooting potentially high risk of bad downtwon teaching experience....i.e. teaching him about my clitoris.

so i got back on top of him and continued what i started before his every emotional tought show and tell. I unbuckled his pants completely, they were baggy of course
it was dark, by now I usually could locate a hard package of some sort whispering to me to come visit? Strange. So I used my hands and mouth and tongue as a tool for direction to find it...no eyes, it was dark.

I couldn't find it.

I kept a slow sensual pace and could not find his fuckin penis
I must be really high

ohhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyy GODDDDDDDDD

that is it!?!?

oh my god

he started moaning and groaning and saying how great my touch felt

holy shit

So now I am going down on him... and i feel like...

OK, I dont how else to describe this for you,
I feel like i am sucking on a lollipop
not a drumstick
not a tootsie roll pop
not a banana
it was some hard candy

it was a dum dum. you know those cheapy little one bite candys on a stick
please tell me you know what im talking about
isnt there a rootbeer flavor?

poor little baby had the smallest penis i have ever encountered!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what the hell do you do when you are there
you are looking staright at it, down there
ON him
you are in the middle of performing the act
the act that you traveled far and wide to the boys dormroom
spotted by college paparotzzi for
you decided it would be worth it

and you are going down on a pinky size when hard penis!
what do you do!?!?!?!?!
there should be some type of warning label for these things!
I just went for it.

Maybe it would get bigger!?
I sucked
and did my thang
and it didnt.

And he moaned and groand.
In the dark,
Me,
Sucking on that pinky finger sized penis.
I literally was rolling my eyes.

I knwo what you are thinking, probably wasnt that small, blah blah blah,or maybe he wasnt hard, or maybe he was a little short guy.

No,no,no.
He was stalky. Not tall but slightly average build.
It was definitely hard.
He was of african american decent.......gotta say it........
It was definitely the size of my pinky finger, I did the test, in my mouth.

Up until now I had had a series of interactions with different color and shaped, sized penises....some very large, long, average, or smaller....but never ever ever like this...

What the hell do you do when you are going down on someone and you literally want to shout out loud oh my god! are you kidding me?! And run away screaming I def. dont want that INSIDE me!?!?!?!?

I was in shock. He gets off and I am already ready to plan my walk of shame outta there. Get me out of this play pen.

He holds me
Very cute
He was cute
Poor guy
I couldnt stop thinking about how I need to............BOLT out of there.......

When I start to hear...
wait
WHAT
is that
NO WAY
whimpering?
is that?
OH MY GOD HE IS CRYING

He starts talking about his ex girlfriend. Now my eyes have rolled so many times in the dark that this is becoming cruel punishment.

He cries
whimpers
I rub his back.I put him to bed, literally tuck him in. (not drunk, havent been high in hours, this is au natural boy with rampant emotions)

Up until that momemnt I have never in my life been so happy to walk on the frosted cold grass freezing in the wee hours of the morning to get to my own bed alone. With peace and quiet.

no more dorms
no more little boys please!


Got an option at pussy? Newly single?
~DONT FUMBLE THE PUSSY~

Man.... what do we learn from.... this story has come out in almost every gathering of women drinking cocktails when size comes up....and I always always win! I sucked the smallest pinky penis ever! That in itself is worth it. No one ever believes me when I raise my pinky finger like Dr.Evil...and I say I swear to god. You dont even wanna know the whole story.It happened to me.

He ended up singing that song in the talent show weeks later.
I always was sweet to him.
He ended up getting back together with his girlfriend.

Not necessairly a pussy funble but this story...experience... is a noteworthy one.

Yes,I man handled the smallest dick ever
Yes,the theory its the motion of the ocean may exist so help me god.
Luv for penis of all sizes!

No, please do not talk about your ex when you are trying to get some!
No, do not talk about your ex............... ever!
That what friends are for.

Yes, perhaps I shouldnt have taken a stroll down memory lane to a boys dorm as an upper classmen woman.
Yes, I should have bolted once he started talking about his ex.

No, you should never sing a song impromptu for a girl, unless you are on your knees proposing marriage (and that may make me bolt too!)

Yes, I did do a favor for all mankind by continuing to finish the "job" like a champ once the veil was lifted. It was like I was training for a game of hoops and the opposing team turned the game into ping pong!???

Add injury to insult when cutie here wants to talk all night long and all you wanna do is hookup!?

Baby, don't talk..........




peace&luv
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