I was a manager of a gym. When you are in charge of a gym, you sometimes have to wake up early. Butt crack of dawn early. So early, that when most people are eating lunch at 1pm, you feel like it should be dinner time. But its cool in the summer when your day is done early. Regardless you better go to bed like a 7 year old at 8pm or you are screwed the entire day. Bodies are just not meant to wake up this early, at least mine isn't. I have a fully functioning healthy body.
I had this system down where I would literally roll out of bed in my sweats, grab my toiletries and get to work by 530 am. Half the time I didn't even remember driving in, or the first hour of work. I just turn on the lights, started the music, unlocked doors and would disappear into my office. Half asleep. Sometimes I would sneak into the locker room, shower, and get ready, with the other early morning freaks. I don't know how people get up at 5 am and workout daily! I have gone thru a few episodes while training for a race when I did this, and it baffles me every time. It was usually by 6 am I was awake. As a special thank you on behalf of rockstar energy drinks and the guys at 7-11, did you know Starbucks isn't even open at 430 am?
So, it was one of those days, rolling out of bed, stumbling to my car, which was in off street parking. Power walking, left foot, right foot. I was a zombie. Left foot, (fuck me! its so early!). Right foot (i feel nausea's), repeat. I pass a few homeless people walking to my car. Or pass a jolted lover doing the walk of shame. I'm about literally 25 yards from my car, I see a silouette of what looks like an ex lover of mine.
Oh god. An ex lover with 50 more lbs in the mid section area.
Ooh God is he wearing a backpack?
Oh MY GOD is he homeless?
Oh my god, is he smoking a cigarette at 430 am? Ewww.
OK. OK. don't look up, look down, its early, he wont recognize you...
Left foot, look down, right foot, walk fast, get the hell out of there!
There is your car.
Left foot a few more steps, right foot, open the car door.
Left foot, step in, you almost there
Right foot, grab the door, you're safe!
"Hey Bianca!" [that not my name, this is anonymous blog]
Like a turtle in its shell, with no other air source other than to sheepishly tilt its head up.
Ya? I say.
There stands in front of you, your ex lover, +40 lbs (I guess not 50 that's just mean), he IS wearing a backpack, and finishing a ciggy on 23rd street, and way too close to your face.
"Whats new?!" he says with enthusiasm, like we are playing for the same team in a friendly reunion soccer game, and actually friends that would talk to each other?
Well, its fucking 5 am, that's whats new.
"Ya, huh huh, chuckle chuckle, laugh. It sure is. Do you live around here?"
Um mm ya
(why the fuck is he asking me where I live, ewwwww!) Do I have to move now? Again?
"Where have you been? Lets catch up, I miss you!" (still too close to my face)
Ummm, dude its too fuckin early for this.
I'm sorry. I had no sensor. I just couldn't do this. I didnt want to be that mean, but I'm not even awake yet. Better yet, is this really happening for real? Is this some nightmare?
"Ya its early", he has this big shit eating grin, "Hit me up!"
WTF
Are you kidding me?
Seriously?
Yup, this is really happening to me, right here, right now.
Its been about 2 years.
No, I'm not going to hit you up.
There is a reason you are an ex lover.
No mas
Not into you
And you're not supposed to be that into me
This isn't make-up time
Its fuckin 430 am!
Who are you?
And why are you wearing a backpack?
And you're fat.
Im sorry.
You are no longer an athlete.
I get an email later that day, you know, from that one account you opened in high school that you never check or use, but cant seem to delete because random people from your past sometimes revisit?
Of course, as suspected.... an email from overweight backback guy "you know how I recognized you... that nice ass..." and some pathetic email request to meet up, and his number.
OMG.
Gross.
I had this system down where I would literally roll out of bed in my sweats, grab my toiletries and get to work by 530 am. Half the time I didn't even remember driving in, or the first hour of work. I just turn on the lights, started the music, unlocked doors and would disappear into my office. Half asleep. Sometimes I would sneak into the locker room, shower, and get ready, with the other early morning freaks. I don't know how people get up at 5 am and workout daily! I have gone thru a few episodes while training for a race when I did this, and it baffles me every time. It was usually by 6 am I was awake. As a special thank you on behalf of rockstar energy drinks and the guys at 7-11, did you know Starbucks isn't even open at 430 am?
So, it was one of those days, rolling out of bed, stumbling to my car, which was in off street parking. Power walking, left foot, right foot. I was a zombie. Left foot, (fuck me! its so early!). Right foot (i feel nausea's), repeat. I pass a few homeless people walking to my car. Or pass a jolted lover doing the walk of shame. I'm about literally 25 yards from my car, I see a silouette of what looks like an ex lover of mine.
Oh god. An ex lover with 50 more lbs in the mid section area.
Ooh God is he wearing a backpack?
Oh MY GOD is he homeless?
Oh my god, is he smoking a cigarette at 430 am? Ewww.
OK. OK. don't look up, look down, its early, he wont recognize you...
Left foot, look down, right foot, walk fast, get the hell out of there!
There is your car.
Left foot a few more steps, right foot, open the car door.
Left foot, step in, you almost there
Right foot, grab the door, you're safe!
"Hey Bianca!" [that not my name, this is anonymous blog]
Like a turtle in its shell, with no other air source other than to sheepishly tilt its head up.
Ya? I say.
There stands in front of you, your ex lover, +40 lbs (I guess not 50 that's just mean), he IS wearing a backpack, and finishing a ciggy on 23rd street, and way too close to your face.
"Whats new?!" he says with enthusiasm, like we are playing for the same team in a friendly reunion soccer game, and actually friends that would talk to each other?
Well, its fucking 5 am, that's whats new.
"Ya, huh huh, chuckle chuckle, laugh. It sure is. Do you live around here?"
Um mm ya
(why the fuck is he asking me where I live, ewwwww!) Do I have to move now? Again?
"Where have you been? Lets catch up, I miss you!" (still too close to my face)
Ummm, dude its too fuckin early for this.
I'm sorry. I had no sensor. I just couldn't do this. I didnt want to be that mean, but I'm not even awake yet. Better yet, is this really happening for real? Is this some nightmare?
"Ya its early", he has this big shit eating grin, "Hit me up!"
WTF
Are you kidding me?
Seriously?
Yup, this is really happening to me, right here, right now.
Its been about 2 years.
No, I'm not going to hit you up.
There is a reason you are an ex lover.
No mas
Not into you
And you're not supposed to be that into me
This isn't make-up time
Its fuckin 430 am!
Who are you?
And why are you wearing a backpack?
And you're fat.
Im sorry.
You are no longer an athlete.
I get an email later that day, you know, from that one account you opened in high school that you never check or use, but cant seem to delete because random people from your past sometimes revisit?
Of course, as suspected.... an email from overweight backback guy "you know how I recognized you... that nice ass..." and some pathetic email request to meet up, and his number.
OMG.
Gross.
Its 445 am.
Seriously?
Is this how its done now?
No.
Have you forgotten its O' dark thirty!? I haven't even brushed my teeth yet! Or thought about remotely what my ass looks like!
Wow.
Pussy Fumbled, Game over!
NO reunion game.
NO alumni game.
NO lets make a deal.
Especially when you are outta shape!
Lesson #2: If the pussy was fumbled once- and someone got injured- there is no comeback next season in this game!
Seriously?
Is this how its done now?
No.
Have you forgotten its O' dark thirty!? I haven't even brushed my teeth yet! Or thought about remotely what my ass looks like!
Wow.
Pussy Fumbled, Game over!
NO reunion game.
NO alumni game.
NO lets make a deal.
Especially when you are outta shape!
Lesson #2: If the pussy was fumbled once- and someone got injured- there is no comeback next season in this game!
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