Somewhat of a reputation
Something I wasn't quick to believe
There are those that see a flame and know its hot
There are those that come near the flame and know its hot
And there are those that must touch the fire,
with their own skin, once, twice, or three times
To know that its hot
And when you touch fire, you may get burned.
But in order to get burned and feel that heat, you have to touch it.
I wanted to figure him out
Everytime I thought I had him figured out, there was a sly move to the left field, that had me second guess my theories. And then another move to the right....center....he always had me guessing.
So I continued to study. I was disgusted and intrgued with him at the same time. Annoyed and motivated. Internally and externally.
Overwhelmingly becoming slightly obsessed...sans slightly. Obsessed with loathing him and also liking him.
I became keen to his 6th sense and the law of attraction.Everywhere he went people were into...drawn to him. First, and foremost girls. Women. Females.
All ages. All sizes. All shapes. And yes, all types.
But it wasn't just females even. Dudes loved to be his friend. Older silver haired professors loved to politic with him, engage with him. Everyone knew his name... He came off as polite, kind, and ... if you were alive, you just wanted to know him.
He always seemed to have a gift of some sort. Homemade Cookies. A package in the mail. He was the guy that the girls made signs for at football games, more than one, banners, painted, these girls took time on this. Lord only knows why.
Gross. I thought it was encourageable the way women would get weak in the knees around him. it made me sick. Why would women swoon over this...
This...
Game
This...
Player.
Sick.
I was determined to ignore him. To make sure he knew, he could never, ever touch me. I wasn't stupid. My mind, or perhaps my libido, I wasn't sure which, couldn't seem to escape him though. I did at times.... but somehow he always returned and permeated my atmosphere.
Intangible. I didn't really know him, just of him. I took tally of his victims, their syndromes, their symptoms. It actually became quite fun. After all, I wasn't in it. I just watched and shook my head with very little compassion. That would never be me. I continued to be very curious about him at the same time. Wonder why he was so powerful, and charismatic. An Electric personality. He did have a nice smile. BEAUTIFUL BODY.
But so did other guys. This guy wasnt that tall, or that handsome, but he was dark. OK, he was handsome. He wasn't out of this world hot?!
It took discipline to avoid him. Sometimes when he would be in the library or computer lab when I was, I would get all twitchy and agitated. Not knowing whether it was sexual frustration or true uncensored hatred.
"I didn't know you knew how to move your hips like that"... Was the first thing he said to me, after a show I had performed in. I was dancing with my friends at a house party. I felt good. I had my own good vibe going.
Funny thing about the law of attraction. Or at least a theory: if you feel sexy, you are sexy. People pick up on it. I did that night. I felt sexy. I had my A game on.
I rolled my eyes to his comment, and continued to dance and tease, but really had no interest in being anywhere near him. But yet I wanted him in the room. Yet, I really felt as if I had accomplished something by him paying me attention.
And, by him admitting to paying my hips attention.
Sick.
With no alarm, force, or annoucement.
I entered the game.
At my own will.
It was my first time in the game.
Yes, I had played the game before, but it was little league, and I was usually good enough to play captain. This was big time. I hadn't tried out, or trained, I just walked right on. No uniform.
The game became apart of me. I studied him and it more than my expensive semester of syllabi.
I know that females all over, had the syndrome. They had know him intimately or not and become hooked. I was not going to be one of them. I was going to play the game, win my round, and move on. I was going to be different. I was never going to be one of them.
Deep down, if I would have admitted it then, I think I just wanted him to know I was different. I wasn't average. What you see, is not always what you get. Talk is so damn cheap.
He continually distracted my body by stimulating my mind.
Answering questions with questions...he always did this.
How are you?
Well, how are you...
He was good at his position, always aloof, mysterious, yet warm and friendly. He and I both knew I was in the game. I wanted completey anonymity though. I thought it might put me above the other players in the game, if I didn't act like I wanted what they wanted. So, I maintained or tried to maintain a tough exterior. A lack of care. Even though I wanted too care so badly...
My first time suited up was at random, no one was home at his house, so I had an invite. An impromptu, late night, slide in the back screen door meeting. Up the stairs in the dark, walking lightly to the room on the right. Creek open the door. He continued to go after conversation and successfully stimulated my mind, while I sat in awe of his telants... his brain.
My first time in the game.
The candle burned. It almost burned to a point where the wick was so short it was about to go out. All the while he undressed me with his mind.
We shared his narrow bed frame. He smelt of a clean and manly scent, that alone, untouched, made my body melt. Different than the hate and angst I had been used. After all this discussion and angst, we layed there. Still, my body on edge and untouched, my mind seduced. I dont quite remember how it started or concluded.
But I know, that for the first time, in my young female life.... he made my legs quiver. Made me moan. Bite the pillow. Toes Curl. For the first time.
I had had sex before, the above experience with him - was not just sex.
I was young and nearing sprung. First time in the game. Still not fitting into my uniform. I tried every different angle I could fathom to stay in the game, perhaps I could play a different position? I knew I needed to be strategic. Or maybe it would work if I acted like all the other players, it wasn't me to bake cookies but maybe that works?
I sometimes would get pissed off, and go back to ignoring him, that seemed to work quite often. But I always remained loyal. Ignoring. All the while adoring him from afar.
Sick.
I think we had a few more meetings. I'm sure by my initiation and my yearning.
See I was a spoiled brat, a captain of the little league up until now. This game was not going the way other games had gone before. Little to no recognition, and definitely no cheerleaders. He was good at his game.
And it was his game.
One night he came over to my dorm room, my roommate was out of town. He came over, once everyone had gone to bed. Always a tactful anonymous player. Hooded sweatshirt, hood up. Always mysterious.
He sat there and began his talking, his pregame warm up if you will. Damn! It worked everytime.I even found myself excited to talk to him. I shared secrets I had saved up from our prior meetings. I shared things about myself no one knew. I broke allgirlcode and told him all and any gossip I knew.
Which was not apart of my plan. I had a plan. I was breaking my plan.
I remember going to play some music in my room, back faced to him, searching thru my mixed cd's for the perfect tune. Nervous as hell. Wanting so bad to play my game as well as I could with him. Win even, or at least tie the game...that way then if there was a tie there would need to be another game to see who won right? A tie breaker, or at least an option to go into overtime?
I wanted to keep this going. I just wanted to know him, be around him. Naked or not.I turned on something melllow on my stereo. Before I could exhale...He slide his body aginst me, right behind me, with a few touches to my neck, and hands on my hips. And I instintually moved with him.
And, it was over. I was now weak in the knees. My game over. Again. I gave in. I enjoyed every milli second of it.
And, I honestly didnt really knwo what I was doing. Sad to think back, I may have just layed there. I remember we were so loud...He was so loud..Actually the bed was so loud...That we had to stop. I was so embarassed. My little girl ass cheeks in my dorm room.
Inevitably. This was the first time a man was able to truly please me.
What he did was he got my mind racing. He was challenging my thoughts and inventing new ones. He inspired me... He even thought I was funny. I was physically melted, I could not keep my tough side strong or intact any longer.
I fell victim for the opposing team. I must admit it, by then I just wanted too! I enjoyed every phase of it. Well, thats a lie, I spent many seconds of it, wondering if I was doing it right, if I was making him feel as good as he was making me feel. Me: Insecure. Unexperienced. Young. Out of my comfort zone, defintely not in control. I was having my first, and second, and third orgasm.
He gave me my first orgasm of my life. I had - had sex before. But I had never truly been pleased...to this extent before. He opened up my body, my mind and my soul. Little did I know that would just be the beginning of our journey.
No, we did NOT have a realtionship. He was a player. I was new to the game, remember? Nothing special to him to my knowledge.
I moved on, and so did he. Just like that. I moved on kicking and screaming and plotting and backing up and twist turning...I wanted him in my life. Sex was not the obsession. He was. Who he was. I learned about who he was. His true self. His flaws. His overwhelming strengths with adversity.Our relating. Too powerful and not the right time. He was older and wiser than me. I still needed to learn and experience. It took tough love on his part, catch and release.
But I always take a deep breathe in, and out, knowing that he scored the first touchdown!
Touchdown Score: Get inside her head, make her feel good, listen to her. And she will be aroused mentally, and ready to be aroused physically, no fumble in sight! It doesnt matter what people say.It doesnt matter what they think or hear....all that matters is what goes on between two people. How they feel. He taught me so many things, but an important lesson in going to the source. Never making assumptions.
Just an all around perfect wide receiver catch.... he was
SO, IN HONOR of THE 7th POST
A 7 point touchdown dedicated to the first man that won me over.
He caught the pussy.
Won me over: mind, body, soul. Not all men fumble the pussy, some of them know how to throw, catch and run with it, quite well. I was 19. He taught me everything I know. He taught me things maybe I wish i didn't know at times. He touched my life, and I will never forget how we bonded and broke... and re-bonded and broke our connection.
Reality is the journey of life. Words do not do justice to the endless first,second, thrid,and fourth quarters he and I played in.... with and without each other. He evolved me. Grew me up.Gave yield to becoming an amazing woman. Its all true. He and I continued to even play in different games and divisions, but I still was always his biggest fan. Loyal for life. I think he became one of mine too. Ascension.
peace and love, thanks for reading.
